Does Anyone Know If Elon Musk Has Pets?

Dear Elon,

Hello! I would like to congratulate you on the roaring success of Tesla, in particular the Model X. I see them driving around when I'm out walking my dog and I spend a lot of time daydreaming about one day driving one of my own out to the dog park, with my dog's one ear flapping in the breeze as we race down the road.

Perhaps you might be saying to yourself, “Goodness! What's keeping you from buying one, then? Aren't you a veterinarian? I hear they're rolling in dough!” Crazy, right? I hear that too. It's a common misquote. What those people meant to say is, “Rolling in debt.” I do know one or two vets who are doing ok, but I think their spouses work in real estate, so there you go.

But we don't mind, because we love animals. Day after day after day, people come to us for animal related goods and services and ask us, “Don't you love animals? Because if you did, you would just give me this care for free.” And if we don't, we are BAD BAD PEOPLE WHO HATE ANIMALS, and that sounds like an awful thing to be. Just check Yelp! You'll see.

At first, I thought that idea was hogwash, but after so many years of having it repeated to me I thought that maybe I just missed the part of civics lecture where they taught us that no exchange of cash for goods was necessary if the person who has the goods loves animals, because that is just what you're supposed to do.

So the rule here is, if I really really really want something and you have it and you also love animals, you need to give it to me. I know it sounds nuts, but ten years of experience here can't be wrong. It's what the people expect.

Here's the deal: my car just hit 150K this month and I'm hearing a weird clanking noise that makes me nervous. And yes, I could save up on my own or pick a car in my budget, blah blah blah, but clearly this whole Animal Lover Loophole thing is a widely used shortcut to free stuff, so I figured I would give it a shot before heading down to the used car dealership. I'll even take the, uh, “cheaper” Model X 60D that just came out, I'm not picky.

I'd hate to see my sad, adorable, one eared dog stuck on the side of the road in this summer heat if I break down. We need reliable transportation befitting his status as Super Awesome Dog. Does Elon Musk like animals? I think we all know what the right thing to do here is.

I'll be eagerly waiting your response.

Dr V